Tradition can be a good thing – depending on the context. I don’t think marriage is a “good tradition.” Marriage is a discriminatory institution. Gay and lesbian couples do not have the option to marry. Therefore, they do NOT have access to the same legal rights. That is not okay.

I have always felt like a bad activist for getting married and participating in a such a discriminatory institution. Unfortunately, in the U.S. marriage is the only legal option for folks. I do my best to support friends who are gay or lesbian – people who are fighting for the same legal rights entitled to heterosexual couples.

The name change issue is just the tip of the ice berg when it comes to the institution of marriage.

Blending or creating a new name is an option – not something folks have to do. I like my name, so I kept it. What bothers me is the underlying assumption that women have to give up their name, identify, etc. when they get married.

At some level, I think we all want to be accepted by peers, friends, and family. I don’t think it is easy to dismiss social pressure or cultural reasons when it comes to changing your name or marriage in general.

I agree with Kate in “the thought of a couple choosing any name other than his is still weird. To the point where it doesn’t even occur to most people.”

The parts of the discussion that drive me nuts are these:
1. The assumption not only about names, but also about marriage, that tradition is good.

2. The lack of recognition by both sides that there’s a legal process to change your name to anything you want, but that it’s been streamlined in this one instance of marriage. Mr. Bijon’s experience was likely the very same experience as a gay couple who wanted to share last names. Why’s that discussion missing? (Luckily, it wasn’t missing from the CA legislature and the law that allows husbands to take their wives names also allows civil unions to include renaming.)

3. Why the preference that family members share a last name? There’s no reason to think it’s best to share a name except tradition and culture. The best argument for having one last name is social acceptance. And well, that’s a crappy reason.