The definition of a is naysayer…
naysay |ˈnāˌsā|
verb ( past and past part. -said) [ trans. ]
say no to; deny or oppose : I’m not going to naysay anything he does.
We’ve all dealt with naysayers in our lives. Naysayers might be friends or family members. People who give you odd looks when you tell them about your minimalist lifestyle or alternative career choices.
Most of the time, the naysayers in my life have good intentions. They want me to be happy but don’t understand my choices. It’s easy to get frustrated by their negative comments:
Selling your car is crazy, you’ll never survive in the world without one.
Are you crazy? Living in such a small apartment!?! You two will kill each other.
Small living is a joke. You won’t last for long living this lifestyle.
You don’t own a TV? That’s silly.
When I find myself frustrated and annoyed, I take a step back and ask myself why and how I can explain my viewpoint. Communication and finding a commonality is key. I usually sit down with the naysayers in my life and tell them my story. The conversations can be difficult and awkward but the results are often positive. Talking with naysayers about my simple living philosophy has helped me to analyze why I live the way I do. These many conversations have helped distill my beliefs and reaffirmed my resolve for living with less.
Below are 4 key points that I bring up with naysayers in my life.
1. “You don’t have to live life the way others expect you to.”
Life is short and small living works for me. I’m finding my own path to happiness and examining how lifestyle choices impact my physical, emotional and spiritual well-being. You don’t have to agree with me, but I’m asking for your respect. There is no need to be negative just because we have differing views.
Living large is not a prerequisite to success. I think it’s important to question what the dominant culture tells us. Do we really need a big house, a three figure salary or an iPhone? So many people go through life worrying about the “I should.” Things like:
- I should get married.
- I should have children.
- I should buy a house because it’s a good investment.
- I should live in the suburbs.
- I should have a professional career.
I could go on and on. It seems like many people are more worried about the “I should” and less worried about their happiness or why they are even “worried” in the first place.
2. Money is life energy.
Money is life energy. Debt is an opportunity cost. A cost that you trade for one of the most valuable things in your life, time.
Not owning a traditional house or a car means I save money and valuable time. My rent is less than most people’s monthly interest on their mortgage and my transportation costs are very low since we don’t own a car. I’m able to use my extra income to travel, help family members in need and volunteer with community organizations. I’m not opposed to working hard. I’m in favor of working on projects that excite me and bring joy into my life.
3. Television is a burden (and so is excess stuff).
When we lived in a huge apartment with a TV, I devoted about 20 hours a week to the zombie box and cleaning. I wasted an incredible about of valuable time that could have been spent with friends, family or working on kick-ass projects. Living small and lightly has given me incredible opportunities and time.
A friend recently asked me:
“How do you get so much done everyday? Especially, since you have a day job?”
My reply: “I don’t own a TV.”
In my former life I was addicted to our lovely zombie box and many hours numbing my mind. I was unhappy and unhealthy. Now, I spent 2 to 3 hours a day writing, taking photos and working on freelance projects. I’ve rediscovered my time and it’s an amazing feeling.
4. Visiting us is still an option!
Many naysayers have expressed:
“But what happens when we visit? There isn’t room for us in your tiny apartment!”
My response is always the same. Family and friends are always welcome in our home. Logan and I are more than happy to camp out on the floor while guests sleep in our bed. If people don’t feel comfortable with that option, there is always a hotel. The money we’ve saved by living small and lightly allows us to treat friends and family to lovely bed and breakfast experience.
***
How do you deal with naysayers?
{ 23 comments… read them below or add one }
I love that photo.
I occasionally run across someone who’s not interested in being minimalist. Often these are an occasional one-time visitor on my blog. I like to step back, take thirty seconds to think about the situation, and usually I realize that these people aren’t really open to change.
That’s okay. Not everyone has to be a minimalist.
My blog (and my upcoming e-book!! so excited) isn’t about convincing people to become minimalist who don’t want to. It’s about helping people become minimalist who want to take that journey. The people I write for recognize that they don’t have enough time, they spend too much money, and they want to change that.
Also: in one of Seth Godin’s launch interviews on Tuesday he mentioned he hasn’t watched TV in eight years. Instead he readers 1-2 books a day. That’s how he writes so many books. Cool, isn’t it?
@Everett – thanks! I agree with you; it’s impossible to “make” anyone be a minimalist or live small. But we all have friends and family members who don’t understand our choices. So I think it’s really important to communicate why you’ve made certain decisions.
I’m excited for the launch of your e-book! It’s going to be awesome!
WOW – no TV in 8 years! That is amazing. I read about 1-2 books a week. I’d love to accomplish that in one day. Too cool! Seth rocks!
Not to be a naysayer/nitpicker, but #1 should read “You don’t have to live life the way others expect you to.”
This is a good list. I think naysayers put down unconventional living because they perceive it as an unnecessary deviation from the norm. Most people are satisfied with the status quo – that’s why they live the way they do.
Whether deserved or not, people who don’t own a TV (and are quick to state the fact) have a reputation for being pretentious and holier-than-thou. People who own TVs (but aren’t addicted to watching them) can be productive too. It’s not a virtue to not own a TV. I don’t have one either, but I know I spend way too much time on the Internet, which is just as bad as being a couch potato. But I’m happy for you that you have replaced TV watching with better uses of your time.
@Bryce – I agree with you. For me, I know I can’t watch TV. It’s too addicting. I don’t think owning a TV is inherently bad. But if a person is watching the TV for 3 to 4 hours a day that might be a problem. Especially, if the person has goals they are working toward and can’t seem to find the “time” to get them accomplished. The same goes for the internet.
Thanks for reading the blog and leaving a comment! I appreciate it.
Wonderful list. Truth to be told many naysayers want us to be well and good, but the only way they know is the “normal” lifestyle. The best way to turn them or at least help us understand our particular lifestyle is with proof that we are ok.
The visit option is one of the best ideas, they can see with their own eyes that everything works out and there is no real fear about what is going on, sometimes they just are naysayers because they just don’t know how we handle things. And we need to learn how to live with them too, after all our family and friends are really important in our lives.
I completely understand! Family can be less than understanding and more than judgmental… I haven’t been able to kick the TV habit (nor caffeine, lol). Just curious, I know you’ve had a hard time with wanting/not wanting the iPhone (don’t blame you). So what do you think about the new iPad?
@Chandra – I think the new iPad is really cool. I won’t be buying one anytime soon. But when my current computer finally dies I’ll probably replace it with an iPad.
I think the iPad will revolutionize how people do work and interact with the internet.
Tammy- I appreciate this post. While I’m not a minimalist, I have been actively downsizing and trying to make life simpler. Family doesn’t always understand or agree. You’re spot on about learning to communicate key elements of how you choose to live your life. Family may or may not understand, but it would have a way of clarifying one’s life choices for oneself.
Hmmm….I guess I blog about it and if they want to read about it great. Most folks who know me know that it’s probably not worth their effort to naysay me. I’m generally obstinate and won’t listen. My biggest issue has been trying to come to terms with what my spouse wants (the typical american dream) versus what I want (a minimalist lifestyle) and she is just as obstinate as I am.
- Charley
@Charley – that must be difficult. But I’m sure you’ll find some kind of balance. It probably won’t be easy to get there, but if you keep talking something is bound to work out. Right?
Cute picture of Logan
Giving up our TV was one of the best things we had done too. It would have taken us a lot longer to pitch it if it hadn’t been for someone else doing it (you guys actually) and us looking and thinking “wow…that is a good idea.” I think when people see how well minimalism works for people (and can look past their own garbage literal and psychological) they can see how to adapt some of the concepts in their own life and be happier in the long run. It makes me chuckle sometimes to see the reactions of people when we tell them we don’t buy toys or clothes for our kids (we just bought our first pair of shoes for Isaac a few months ago). We get it all from other people or get it used for free. There is nothing kids “need” that needs to be bought at this age (or any age I can think of). And we have so many wonderful parks and other activities to do with them that require no money at all. Kids only want time.
It is hard to explain having goals outside of the norm to some people. I respect you for sticking to your guns on what you believe in and following through. It is obviously working for you guys, why cant some people still see that?
Thanks Tina! I’m glad we inspired you to sell the T.V.
I really admire you two; parenting is not easy. I think you’re right – the best gift you can give a child is your time. Time is precious and something you can never get back.
I’m not sure of the “why.” I do my best to articulate our reasons to family/friends. I guess I have to recognize that some people will never fully get it and that’s okay.
I’ve found that I just don’t talk much about my minimalistic/no tv/no car/no cell/bus riding ways. Except to you guys
If it comes up fine – “did you see that episode of Lost?” “no, I didn’t” “oh well there was this scene where…”. No one really cares. When folks find out I don’t have a car they’re slightly curious and probably feel sorry for me, but it’s pretty much a non-issue. Same with a cell. In the beginning I was so excited about my new habits and would announce it to anyone who’d listen. Now it’s so normal for me I just don’t bring it up and no one really asks. So these topics only become an issue if I bring it up. I visit the minimalistic blogs for inspiration and ideas and to hear what my tribe is doing. Even though I haven’t had a tv since the early 90s I still don’t read nearly enough… at least books. I read a lot of good stuff on the internet, thanks to all of you!
Tammy, Logan,
Thanks for another good post (and photo!) I like that you focus on what works and do not allow yourselves to get mired down in negative commentary. I also like that you don’t criticize those folks who are unable to comprehend why this is a desirable way of life. Those who cannot/will not embrace your ideas may hold good intentions; they have their own journey. You allow them that and demonstrate beautifully why simple living (and minimalism) is a viable option for you, and for those of us who have found life to only be enriched by this approach.
Through employment, I was offered free cable service for the last 10 years. Folks believed I was crazy and somewhat ungrateful for not hooking up a television. I found that no such offer is truly “free.” In giving it a test run, I soon realized it cost me time and peace of mind. I know of individuals who lived through the (Great) Depression, who find the “talking box” one of the best inventions ever. And for them, it is a wonderful invention.
I’m thankful we all get to make these choices for ourselves.
The thing I find hardest is trying to explain it to people when they have a fundamentally different outlook on life, i.e. that it’s all about gathering things until your “safe”. (as if things bring safety anyway). Because you’re coming from two completely different angles, it’s like talking to a wall!
I’ll tell you, sometimes it seems like there are more naysayers than people for you… that’s why I so enjoy being able to connect with people in the minimalism/simplicity community online.
Great stuff!
I don’t think of myself as a minimalist, but I do live in a one room house that I love ( and could live in 1/2 the space) When I have visitors, I also offer then the bed, I prefer a tent outside, or there is a Best Western I will put them up in. I’ll have to look at Bed n Breakfast places, I never gave them a thought, but what a nice way to share a visit and create memories for them. I do have my minivan, 2 bicycles, two kayaks, two tents, and a bunch of tools….the TV hasn’t been connected for three years. I’ve a library card and read a lot. Living this way has allowed me to work two days a week and meet all my obligations and have plenty of time for doing those things I really enjoy. To hell with the ” should haves, advertising and peer pressure ” !!!!
I’ve been dealing with naysayers my entire adult life, Tammy, and your doing right by forging ahead with what makes you and Logan happy. In our lives, it was first the fact we decided not to have biological children. Back in the 1980s when we were in our 20s and made this decision, we were labeled DINCs (Double Income No Children) and people really took it personally that we didn’t want kids (for a variety of reasons too numerous to list here). Talk shows had people like us and “family” people and it could really get ugly (as it did in my own family). When you make a personal choice that somehow doesn’t click with the “norm” people take a personal afront as if you’re making some statement about their life when all you’re trying to do is live yours! After we got past that period, it was my quitting my lucrative job in corporate America to become freelance writers and now it is living large in our little house. You can’t please other people, only yourself!
TV. Yeah.
When I met my husband, I told him that TV/cable was a bad idea. BAD. I don’t know what it is but the same thing happens to me, my brother, and my father. We are literally unable to unplug. We didn’t have a television growing up (except to watch Star Trek: The Next Generation, Star Wars movies, and Blazing Saddles) and when we did – I was 13 years old, I think – it was a total fiasco.
We literally watched TV for HOURS. It didn’t matter if nothing was on. Infomercial? We’d watch it!
I know people who can have the TV on and do other things…I am not one of these people. I told Chris about this when we moved in together and he still wanted to get TV. He believes me NOW but he had no idea what a difference it would be.
Now, when we do watch, it is online. For some reason, I have absolutely no compulsion when it comes to watching tv online.
Hayden – thanks for leaving a comment. It’s good to know that I’m not alone.
It’s so easy to get sucked into the big black box.
“The money we’ve saved by living small and lightly allows us to treat friends and family to lovely bed and breakfast experience.”
I love this part of your post. So many people focus on the selfish aspects of saving money – that they can sock away more in the IRA/401K, go on nice vacations. etc. It’s nice to see that you’re focusing (in other parts of the post as well) on what your lifestyle allows you to do for others (and also that you’re not making your guests pay for your choices!).
I’m coming in on this one late, but I’ve found the best response is to simply smile and not even try to explain yourself, especially if the person seems bent on arguing. They can observe and see if they like what I’m doing, or not. Arguing isn’t nearly as effective as simply living joyfully.
Tammy,
I’ve been reading through your blog from back to front. It’s been quite enjoyable and I thank you for your thoughts and the great websites you’ve introduced me to. This post hit home when I got to #1 because I wrote my first blog post ever about the “should shroud” about 3 weeks after you posted this.
Thanks again for what you do.
E
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