The overwhelming desire to please others can result in doing stupid work and make our lives more complex, rather than simple. At it’s core the need-to-please disease is about living for others’ approval.
So what is the need-to-please disease? Let’s look at a few common traits:
- Not being honest with others about who we really are
- Constantly worrying about what other people think
- Being fearful of saying no
- Saying yes to every request that comes your way
- Trying to do everything by yourself
- Feeling bad because you don’t know the answer to a problem
- Being nice to the point of self harm.
So the question is:
If you are living for others’ approval, how can you focus on doing good work, be an amazing friend, spouse, or community member?
Let me give you an example…
I want to please my clients and do a rock star job on writing and web design projects. In theory this isn’t a bad thing. Providing kick ass services should be part of every business model.
However, a few weeks ago I spent an incredible amount of time on a project; only to fall flat on my face. Despite many hours of trouble shooting and talking with colleagues, I couldn’t figure out the answer to a specific web design problem. To make a long story short, I had to tell my client I didn’t know what I was doing wrong. I wasn’t able to provide the level of service I would have liked.
I also realized that I’d gotten caught in the people-pleasing trap. I spent over 20 hours on a project that should have taken 8. I think it’s essential to give 110% on any project. However, I think there is a breaking point; a time when you have to admit to yourself and your client, friend, or family member, that you don’t have the answer they are looking for.
Let’s talk about a few solutions to this tricky problem… [click to continue…]