Tears. Shame. Disbelief. Embarrassment. Pain. Sadness. Judgment.
I spent over ten years working with victims of domestic violence and sexual assault. The emotions I listed above, were just some of the many feelings victims had to deal with every day. In addition to dealing with all of these emotions, a lot of the women I worked with told me they felt judged by society, friends, and family members.
They would hear things like:
Why did you stay with him? Why didn’t you leave? Why were you out so late? Why didn’t you wear something more conservative?
Why indeed? Why would anyone in their right mind ask a victim of violence any of those questions? The questions are full of blame. It’s no wonder victims of violence feel so judged by society, friends, and family members.
After years of working as a peer counselor, I’ve realized that an incredible number of people walk around with hidden traumas. And despite intense psychological injuries people tend to judge others for trivial things. It’s important to remember that we’re all human; people who are seeking love, acceptance, understanding, and are juggling incredibly complex lives.
So why is it so easy to jump on the judgment bandwagon? In many ways, it’s a whole lot easier to judge others, than to take a hard look at your own life. It’s the easy way out. Judging people doesn’t require intense self-examination or compassion. [click to continue…]