A Beautiful Goodbye: 17.5 Years with Christie the Cat

Today, I have sad news to share. Earlier this week, Logan and I said goodbye to our furry family member Christie the Cat.

During the last month, Christie's health started to decline at a steady rate. She stopped grooming, lost interest in the things she loved doing, and rarely cuddled us. Last week, we became very concerned. She didn't eat or drink for 24-hours, so Logan and I took her to our veterinarian on Friday, February 26, 2021.

The news wasn't good. Dr. Moore, our veterinarian, said that Christie's weight had declined another ten percent. For a tiny cat, the news of more weight loss took my breath away. Then Dr. Moore told us that Christie developed abdominal tumors. I started crying. This was very bad news.

After talking with Dr. Moore, we decided to take Christie home for the weekend. Christie was given medication and fluids to keep her comfortable. That gave us a few more days to say goodbye.

Thankfully, Christie's last weekend was good. She ate tuna, slept on her heating pad, and wandered around with me in the early morning hours. I spent most of the weekend by her side. When Christie wasn't sleeping, she looked at us with so much love.

By Monday morning, Logan and I agreed it was time to let Christie go. Christie would have faced further weight loss, fast growing abdominal tumors, and pain. Euthanasia was the best option for Christie. It wasn't a decision we made lightly. And we couldn't have made the choice without Dr. Moore's wisdom, kindness, and compassion. We are grateful for Dr. Moore, Dr. Klein, and the whole team at Forest Animal Hospital. They are amazing humans.

Letting go of Christie was difficult and painful. And I’m grateful; grateful that she died peacefully. Dr. Moore and Jennifer—a kind vet technician—were with Christie as she died. Jennifer said Christie was ready to go and that she did not suffer. Goodbyes are hard and beautiful.

I keep expecting to hear Christie meow, saunter by slowly, or greet us at the door. Yesterday, I woke up from a nap panicked because we didn't have tuna for Christie's daily dose of medication. When I realized she was gone, I cried. It's going to take time to adjust.

In The Inner Life of Cats, author Thomas McNamee, wrote:

“ ... We love our cats with a purity and grace not possible in our love of our spouses, our parents, or even our children. People are too complicated for love as simple as what we bear to our cats. It is not agape, phileo, caritas, amor, or eros (roughly: selfless love, brotherly love, love of humankind, romantic love, and erotic love, respectively). I believe it has never been named. The kinship between our cats and ourselves reaches deep beneath consciousness, to a place before history, perhaps even before the development of self-expressible human intellect ... It is devotional, like prayer, and like prayer it is met with silence. Our devotion is what gives cats their power.”

And indeed, Christie was worth all the things – love, time, money, attention, and more.

I could write a book of stories featuring Christie. For example, Christie loved living in Siskiyou County. She was especially fond of our morning photos walks. Christie would follow me around with her tail straight up in the air. She looked like a little lion, and was so strong and fast! Christie even followed me into a wind storm; her tiny 8-pound body was at risk of being blown away. We ran back to the house together and snuggled.

I'm sad that Christie is gone. And, I keep coming back to gratitude. I’m grateful that she was part of our lives for 17.5 years. Christie had a long and adventurous life, and was a sweet and loving companion. She lived out her senior years in style and she will be in our memories forever.

***

Now onto this week's links …

1. When Your Marriage (and Cat) Turn 17-Years-Old is a letter I wrote in July 2020 about how Christie came into our lives.

2. The Inner Life of Cats by Thomas McNamee is a beautiful, honest, and informative book. Before Elaina's cancer diagnosis in 2018, I discovered McNamee's book. It’s one of the few books that I’ve keep on my tiny bookshelf because it’s so good. Over the last month, I re-read sections of the book. McNamee’s chapter on illness, aging, and death was particularly helpful. Christie, like many cats, was good at hiding her suffering. As a cat parent, it's so important to pay attention.

3. An Intermission from Instagram by Rebecca Green is a helpful essay about the benefits and downsides of Instagram. I hope you read the essay and explore Rebecca's website. I adore her art! In 2014, Rebecca illustrated our tiny house for Flow Magazine. Long story short: Rebecca sent me the illustrations for free! She didn't want the illustrations to sit in a drawer, and she requested that we frame the pieces. We framed the art and I love looking at it daily. I adore the portrait she drew of Christie and Elaina.

The Girls

Art by Rebecca Green

4. I'll leave you with The Rainbow Bridge, a beautiful poem, that our vet gave us:

The Rainbow Bridge

By the edge of a woods, at the foot of a hill,
Is a lush, green meadow where time stands still.

Where the friends of a man and woman do run,
When their time on earth is over and done.

For here, between this world and the next,
Is a place where each beloved creature finds rest.

On this golden land, they wait and they play,
Till the Rainbow Bridge they cross over one day.

No more do they suffer, in pain or in sadness,
For here they are whole, their lives filled with gladness.

Their limbs are restored, their health renewed,
Their bodies have healed, with strength imbued.

They romp through the grass, without even a care,
Until one day they start, and sniff at the air.

All ears prick forward, eyes dart front and back,
Then all of a sudden, one breaks from the pack.

For just at that instant, their eyes have met;
Together again, both person and pet.

So they run to each other, these friends from long past,
The time of their parting is over at last.

The sadness they felt while they were apart,
Has turned into joy once more in each heart.

They embrace with a love that will last forever,
And then, side-by-side, they cross over... together.

—Author unknown

***

Thank you for reading! If you find joy or inspiration from my work, please share it with a friend—or say thanks with a coffee.

With gratitude,
Tammy Strobel

Adventures with Elaina

When I attended the Creative Writing Workshop at the Paris American Academy a few years ago, I learned about the craft of writing. One of our teachers—Rolf Potts—offered lots of practical writing advice that stuck with me. His thoughts on travel writing, journaling, and memoir have been particularly helpful. Regarding memoir Potts said, “Memoir isn’t non-fiction. It is fiction because it isn’t reported journalism.”

I agree with Rolf because my memory is terrible. That’s why I’m obsessed with journaling and recording my days in my logbook. Journaling about my daily life is important because it gives me a sense of what’s happened in a typical week, a month, and over the course of the year. When I revisit my old journal entries, I'm able to coalesce themes and collect story ideas. Then I use the ideas for non-fiction articles, micro-memoirs, memoir style essays, and books.

Recently, I’ve been thinking about how our cat Elaina came into our lives. I couldn’t remember all the details, and since my old journals are long gone, I couldn't use them as a source. Instead, I asked my husband, Logan, about his kitty adoption memories.

Here's a portion of the conversation we had last weekend:

“Did I lobby you for another cat after we got Christie?” I asked.

“Ohh yeah,” Logan said.

“Really?” I said.

“You lobbied for a cat before Christie, and you lobbied for another cat after we adopted Christie. And I thought it was going to continue on until we had a house full of cats,” Logan said.

I laughed because my memories of these shenanigans are fuzzy. Apparently, I really wanted a second cat. I was in luck because another kitten was about to come into our lives.

Stacy—a veterinarian student and our neighbor—found a litter of kittens in a cardboard box on the side of the road. She took the kittens home, made sure that their health was stable, and decided to foster them. And of course, I went to visit the kittens!

I fell in love with a small kitten named Alien. Stacy named the kitten Alien because her eyes were giant, and she looked like a cartoon cat. Alien was so wee that her body fit in the palm of my hand. She was all eyes, and she was snugly and sweet. Naturally, I told Logan about Alien when he got home from work.

After I brought Christie home, I promised Logan that I would not adopt another cat without him. We’d make the decision together. I convinced Logan to visit Stacy’s foster kittens. When we walked to her apartment, I lobbied hard to adopt Alien because "poor lonely Christie needed a friend."

Logan said, “I remember when we went over to Stacy’s apartment. Kittens were running around everywhere. They were climbing up the drapes, and another two were racing along the backside of the couch like little maniacs. I couldn't keep track of all the fuzzy little bodies. Alien walked over to you for a pet, and then she decided to come visit me. She subsequently fell asleep on my chest.”

“And then, you looked at me and nodded. I knew that we were going to take Alien home. You are such a sucker. I love you for that!” I said.

***

Alien was quickly renamed Elaina. I don’t know where the name Elaina came from, but it suited our new buddy.

Elaina explored our home in under one hour. She was a tiny detective. It took Christie weeks to feel safe enough to explore the bedrooms, kitchen, living room, closets, and bathroom. Christie was a skittish little kitten, not Elaina though.

Elaina exuded confidence, despite her wee size. She was so tiny that we made a special collar for her. Part of the collar retrofit included adding a bell. I almost stepped on Elaina a few times and was terrified that she’d get hurt. The bell was perfect because when Elaina wasn’t sleeping, we could hear her moving around the apartment.

Eventually, Elaina outgrew her small collar. Tiny—as we liked to call her—was anything but tiny. She was double the size of Christie the Cat. Elaina would beg for ice cream, treats, and eat all her kibble in one sitting. At one-point Elaina was so chubby, she couldn't clean her backside. That's a serious problem for a cat, and subsequently she went on a diet with timed feedings. I felt like a terrible cat parent! I shouldn’t have been giving Elaina so many treats. Plus, our veterinary told us not to free feed our cats, and we followed her advice. Thankfully, she slimmed down quickly.

Elaina loved living with us in rural Siskiyou County. She stalked lizards and mice, rolled in the dirt, flirted with fawns, befriended the neighbor dog, got stuck in trees, and followed up her activities by bringing dust into the house. We couldn’t resist her personality and snuggles. Elaina was a loving companion and adapted to all the different living situations we had over the years. Alas, Elaina and Christie were not best friends, like I hoped, but they tolerated one another well.

Elaina was diagnosed with cancer on January 26, 2018, and she died on October 25, 2018. Elaina’s death was hard to accept. But I’m thankful we had a long goodbye. We miss her snuggles, her meows, her big beautiful eyes, and her courageous nature.

Over the years, I took thousands of photos of Elaina. She would stare at the camera and pose for me. I'm grateful for the shots because they bring back good memories. Plus, the photos help me recall stories that I would have forgotten. My stories about Elaina might be slightly fictionalized, and that’s okay. Memoir isn’t non-fiction. But I don't need to write a journalistic article to show how much joy Elaina brought into our lives.

PS: Browse my favorites shots of Elaina the “tiny” cat here.

With gratitude,

Tammy

When Your Marriage (and Cat) Turn 17-Years-Old

The specifics of my fight with Logan are unclear. I remember that it revolved around him working too many hours on my birthday. At the time, we’d been married for about 5 months. Logan was in a Ph.D. program, and I was working in the investment management industry.

The day after our fight, I went to work and called a friend at lunch to talk. During our conversation, the idea of adopting a cat came up. Starting my new year with a fuzzy friend seemed like a great idea.

I should point out that I didn’t talk to Logan about this bright idea because I was still upset after our argument. This wasn’t smart, but the kitten adoption mission was set in motion.

Before we got off the phone, my girlfriend said she would research local adopt-a-cat organizations. Later in the day, she contacted me and said that she found a family who was fostering kittens near my office. I was beyond excited!

After I finished my work day, we went to play with the kittens. Christie, a small Tortoiseshell kitten, was the only baby in the litter who engaged with us. She was about 5 months old, a little skittish, beautiful, and sweet. I fell in love with Christie, and she came home with me that evening.

When I got home, I brought Christie inside. She was in a cat carrier that I put in the hallway. Then I walked outside to make a quick phone call.

When I came back into the apartment Logan asked, “Is there a cat in the carrier?”

“Of course!” I said.

Christie was scared, so she burrowed under the blankets in the back of the carrier. Logan couldn’t see Christie, so he assumed there was no way I’d bring a kitten home without his consent. He was wrong and a little upset with me.

We finally coaxed Christie out of the carrier and she sat with us on the couch and relaxed. Over the next few weeks, she settled into life with us. I’m thankful that Logan fell in love with Christie; especially since I brought her home without warning.

At 23-years-old, I lacked emotional intelligence, and I’d argue, common sense. We joke that Christie is the cat who almost caused a divorce. It’s a good thing she’s cute, and that Logan has patience with me.

***

As I write this letter, COVID-19 cases continue to rise in the U.S. I’m angry, sad, and disappointed that the pandemic has been politicized. A few things that keep me calm include kettlebell workouts, long talks with Logan, and snuggles with Christie.

Christie looks at me with a funny expression when I want to scream or cry because of the bad news I've consumed. She reminds me to breathe, take naps, and to relax. Christie is also happy we’re home all the time. She continues to boss us around with her cute meows and tail vibrations.

Christie will be 17-years-old in a few days, and Logan and I will celebrate a milestone — 17 years of marriage. It’s crazy to think we’ve been together for so long. And, I’m thankful we've been good quarantine buddies. There have been no fights. Just snuggles and gratitude.

With gratitude,

Tammy

10 Micro-Memoirs on Digital Minimalism, Blogger Burnout, Work & More

Happy New Year!

It feels good to write this letter because I've been struggling to get words onto the page/screen. I'd write a 1000 words, then delete all my words, then start the process all over again. Write. Delete. Write. Delete. Needless to say, the writing process hasn't been fun.

My friend Cait Flanders helped me shift my perspective. Yesterday, I read Cait's newsletter and I loved the format!

In her latest missive, Cait shared “10 updates/thoughts written in just 100 words each.” After reading her letter, I thought to myself: This would be a fun writing challenge. I'm going to "steal like an artist" and do something similar with my newsletter!

The style of Cait’s letter reminded me of Beth Ann Fennelly's book—Heating & Cooling: 52 Micro-Memoirs—and a writing exercise I did at the Paris American Academy. In our memoir workshop, we wrote mini memoirs. This style of writing provides a tiny snapshot of who you are in a very short format. It's a fun exercise!

With that, let's dive in …

100 Words on 2019

Words can't express my gratitude for 2019. I filled my year with travel, quality time with The Husband & friends, good coffee, cat snuggles, reading, and so much CrossFit. Also, Chico, CA is starting to feel like home (finally)! I did experience hard moments that were worked related, and I'm looking forward to the next phase in my professional life. In short, 2019 was full of learning opportunities and gratitude for the high and low moments.

100 Words on The Year of Food & Movement

Over the last few months, I’ve dedicated my leisure hours to cooking and moving. For example, I'm increasing my weight lifting power at the gym. We worked on 1 rep maxes recently, and I deadlifted 180 pounds and back-squatted 150 pounds (both lifts are PRs)! In addition, I've been making yummy recipes. My favorites include enchiladas, Pad Thai, and other vegetable based dishes. Meditation has also been on my mind. Currently, I’m doing a free mediation challenge (hosted on the Ten Percent Happier app). I’m over a week into the challenge, and it's been so helpful!

100 Words on Digital Minimalism

During 2018, I embraced digital minimalism. I also created new online sharing boundaries for 2019 and beyond. The changes helped start The Year of Food & Movement, read more books, and be present in my daily life. For example, I read 59 books in 2019, listened to lots of podcasts, and now I only subscribe to newsletters I love.

100 Words on Blogger Burnout

During the second half of 2019, I dealt with blogger burnout. I haven't posted words or photos on RowdyKittens.com for the past six months. I also unpublished 99% of my blog archive because it's time for a fresh start. The posts that are public are my favorites! In 2020, I'll continue writing my newsletter and sharing photos online. My biggest aim is: preventing another burnout episode.

100 Words on Work

Running my little business has been a blast, and it's time to pivot. I'm currently applying for traditional jobs and freelance opportunities. I'm not sure how my work life will transform in 2020, and the uncertainty is scary and exciting. It's hard to let go of my business, and I know it's time to experience new adventures in the work world.

100 Words on Money

Earlier this month, we met with our fiduciary for our annual investment review. We will continue to invest in Index Funds and put a portion of our savings into ESG Funds. We're excited to save more in 2020! If you're thinking about investing options, I recommend finding a fiduciary. The National Association of Personal Financial Advisors (NAPFA) is a good place to start. They consist solely of fee-only financial planners and offer guidance to consumers. Do your research, and watch out for high fees!

100 Words on Travel

We will continue to invest in experiences (not things). Most of our trips will be in Northern California, and we are planning another trip to Europe! On average, I take an airline flight once a year. It's a privilege to fly, an adventure, and flying is terrible for the environment. I'm starting to research carbon offsetting for my flights. I'm also learning as much as I can about climate change.

100 Words on Climate Change

Earlier this year, I got to see Naomi Klein speak at CSU, Chico. Her talk (and new book) filled me with worry and hope; hope that policymakers and citizens will find a way forward. Also, the following two books offered helpful solutions to mitigate climate change:

+ In Search of the Canary Tree: The Story of a Scientist, a Cypress, and a Changing World by Lauren E. Oakes

+ Kiss the Ground: How the Food You Eat Can Reverse Climate Change, Heal Your Body & Ultimately Save Our World by Josh Tickell

100 Words on Christie

Christie’s health declined in 2019. She started having seizures in late 2018 (right after Elaina died). On average, she has one seizure a month and they are terrifying to watch. They could be the result of her advanced chronic kidney disease or something else. Christie is on medication for the seizures. Also, she continues to eat her favorite “vet approved” food, Royal Canin D. I know Christie won’t be around forever and we’re savoring all her sweet cuddles.

100 Words on 2020

Gratitude, gratitude, and more gratitude. I could write the word gratitude another 97 times, but I think you get the idea. Gratitude is what I'm growing in my life. I'm excited about the year ahead, and I'm grateful that you've taken the time to read my words!

Wishing you a healthy & happy new year!

***

Good Reads & Listens

Finally, here’s a list of what I enjoyed consuming over the past few months:

Favorite Non-Fiction Books

+ Secondhand: Travels in the New Global Garage Sale by Adam Minter

+ Dopesick: Dealers, Doctors & the Drug Company that Addicted America by Beth Macy

+ The Mind of the Leader by Rasmus Hougaard and Jacqueline Carter

Favorite Memoirs

+ The Valedictorian of Being Dead by Heather Armstrong

+ Unbound: A Story of Snow & Self-Discovery by Steph Jagger

Favorite Novels

+ The Giver of Stars by JoJo Moyes

+ The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo by Taylor Jenkins Reid

Favorite Interviews

+ The Anti-Diet with Evelyn Tribole

+ Making and Breaking Habits, Sanely with Kelly McGonigal

+ A Conversation with Cheryl Strayed & Oprah

Favorite Mini Documentary

+ Why Finland And Denmark Are Happier Than The U.S.

With gratitude,

Tammy Strobel